crack!fic!
By: Arian and oh_i_er_oh

Disclaimer: we don't own them, we don't profit from them, wejust like to play with them.

Author's Note: From the minds of the "we are so bored we can feel our internal organs giving up on us as we type" girls, oh_i_er_oh and arianstarr, we bring you *drumroll please* Crack!Fic! Written entirely over YIM from opposite sides of the world. You've been warned at the crackishness that will ensue. Also, we cannot be held responsible for spelling, grammer and tense changes made on a whim.

***

The door to lex's office slams open.

"I need a favour."

"Imagine my shock and surprise."

"It's about Lana......."

"How many time's do I have to tell you Clark.... just go for it, I can't help you any more than I already have" He looks disgruntled and adjusts boner.

"No..... I mean.... ummmm...."

"Clark what is it?"

"Well I wanted to pick something up from the torch and......"

"What????????"

"Lana, and ummmm Chloe.... ummmm they were..." he blushes furiously.

"They were what, Clark"

"Well, they were kinda m-making.. out..."

Lex adjusts himself again. "I'm sorry?"

"Don't make me say it again!"

"Well, what happened? Did they stop when they saw you?"

"Umm," *blushes more* "Not exactly...."

Lex arches an eyebrow and thanks god that he just got a new blotter for his glass desktop, otherwise he might be in trouble.

"Chloe sorta... well, she saw me first and whispered something to Lana..." Lex waits as patiently as possible. "And then Lana turned around and just *looked* at me like I was some kind of... I don't know..."

"Five star dessert she couldn't wait to devour?" Lex offered before he could stop himself.

Clark makes a little choking noise in the back of his throat. "Lex!"

"What?"

"I- just- nothing..." He turns an even deeper shade of red.

"Keep going, Clark"

Lex took a deep breath and tried to will his dick to behave itself. Surely despite the desk between them, if Clark stalked any closer he'd notice.

"Well, they were both ummmm... on the desk"

"Yes" 'Oh, shit, carry on.'

"And they KNEW I was there. They Knew Lex......."

"And........."

"Well Chloe kinda movered her hand up Lana's ummmm......... yeah up her skirt, and Lana... she was looking at me the whole time. And she wispered Clark, I heard her. I shouldn't have but... I have really good hearing"

"And then Lana... she was still just staring at me, Lex! She licked her lips and leaned back against Chloe... and... Chloe reached up and started stroking her stomach under her shirt, and her hand, it just kept moving higher!"

"And then she moving her hand back down and I swear Lex, it went right up under her skirt and Lana kind of gasped and Chloe said my name and I was just standing there watching them" Clark pauses, trying to catch his breath.

"Go on, Clark..."

"And then I ran. I came here."

"You- wait, you ran away?"

Clark hangs his head. "Yeah"

"Why? Forgive me for asking, Clark, but the girl of your dreams is practically spread out in front of you and you run away."

"Well the thing is....I....."

"Go on Clark, you know you can tell me anything"

"Can I?" bluhes furiously

"You know you can"

"Well, it was... kind of a shock, you know.... seeing Lana like that, and.... well it didn't........."

"It didn't what Clark?"

"It um, it didn't..... make me, ummm you know..."

"What?"

"Hard Lex, it didn't make me hard, and I didn't know what to do so I came over here, cos there must be something wrong with me, I mean... I love her right... don't I?"

"Well, Clark, could it just have been that you were nervous?"

"Um, maybe... but..."

Lex tries to unobtrusively adjust his painfully hard erection again. "Go on"

"What if I'm not normal?" Lex stares. Clark starts to walk towards him. Oh, shit.

"Lex, what if..." Trails off as he sees what Lex has been trying to hide.

'Oh,' he thinks.

"Clark!"

"Um, it's ok, Lex. I think I might be normal after all."

"What do you mean?"

Clark's face is now the colour of a tomato. Lex glances down from Clark's eyes. 'Oh,' he thinks.

"Well, Clark, I don't know what to say."

"You don't have say anything Lex..........." Clark pauses, breaths slightly quickly and turns an alarming shade of pink. It's quite becomming Lex thinks.

"I don't think I'm wrong here l"

"Lex, I'm not wrong am I?"

Lex clears his throat and shifts in his desk chair. "Wrong about what Clark?" "Oh please, oh please, oh please.'

Clark looks at his feet and wets his lips. Lex follows the motion of his tongue shudders, feels it down bis spine right to his cock.

"I.... I mean.... you look at me sometimes......"

'Shit breathing is required for living, remember that Lex.'

"Yes Clark......" 'Damn that sounds shakey.'

"And, well, right now your... uh, state... could be taken two ways"

"You could either, uh, like m-my story about Lana and Chloe..."

'Don't hyperventilate, dear god, Lex, don't hyperventilate.'

"Or you could, um- Like... me?"

Lex is up and out of his chair without realizing. "You, Clark?" 'Ok, so that didn't sound quite as provocative as I hoped - shape up Lex!'

"Yeah..." And Clark is barely breathing because Lex is *so close* to him. Lex stares for a while, losing himself in green eyes and full, pouty lips.

"Lex, do you think you could say something? Anything, really, just... talk..." Lex keeps staring. "Um, I guess I'll leave then." 'Idiot, idiot, idiot!' Clark thinks.

'Idiot, idiot, idiot!' Lex screams inside his head. "Clark wait!"

"Lex?"

"Stay"

"I can't, Lex." Lex gapes at him in silence.

"But-"

"Not unless you tell me."

"Tell you what, Clark?"

"Tell me I'm not wrong" Clark draws himself up, looking far more confident than he feels. 'It's right now, I've started this and I have to see it through because it's Lex,' he thinks.

"Your not" Lex's mouth has never been so dry. He's so used to getting what he wants, why is this so hard?

"You are what I want" The words are like chunks in his throat. Clark stills for a moment, like a rabbit in the headlights, as if he can't decide whether or not to flee.

"Me?......... you want me........?" Clark ducks his head and blushes furiously.

Lex takes a step closes and tentativly lays his hands on Clark's hips. "You." One hand moves without thought to wrap its fingers through Clark's hair.

"That's a good thing, Lex, because I think I might have lost it if you'd-"

Lex cuts him off with a kiss. Slow and searching at first, and then Lex is pressing closer. Clark thinks he might lose it anyway. Lex tugs at his hair and pushes his tongue against Clark's mouth. Clark opens for him with a tiny gasp. And then Lex is...

"Oh god" Clark whispers. Lex is grinding against him

Lex feels large, untalented hands grasping at his back, clutching and scrabbling. He feels an unartful tongue plunging into his mouth, feels random, animalistic thrusts up against him, no thought for his pleasure; nothing like any of the numerous lovers he's had. Nothing has ever been so perfect.

"Lex..." gasped.

"Lex, stop..... please I can't......oh God stop...."

Lex draws back and looks into Clarks face. "Clark," Lex peers at him, watching intently as one emotion after another crosses Clark's face until, with a gasp and a shudder, his expression settles on ecstacy. Lex watches as Clark throws his head back. He strokes his sides as Clark's head drops forward to rest against his own forehead.

"Lex, I-I'm sorry, I just...."

"Shhh, Clark, it's ok. Come on, let's get you out of those went pants."

Clark curled up on himself......"Lex.... I..."

"Shhhhhhhh" Lex stroked his sides, calming him, running fingers over ribs and finally up to nipples.

"I can stop anytime you like, Clark."

"No!"

"No don't touch you or no don't stop?"

"Don't!!!!!!! I mean no"

"No?"

"Don't stop Lex"

Lex closed the gap between their mouths, feeling how much more relaxed Clark was beneath him since he came. Flexed along Clark's body. "I want you Clark..... so much... but I would neve push you... I want you to want this as much as I do..."

"Oh god Lex........."

"I think I was saying something about getting you out of those wet pants?" Clark nods wordlessly, eyes fixed on Lex. Lex's hands reach down, stroking across his stomach to the button of Clark's jeans. His fingers trail briefly under the waistband before moving back to pop the button open.

Clark thinks he might have to melt into a puddle of goo if Lex doesn't hurry up.
Long, pale fingers pull his zipper down so slowly that Clark swears he can ear the click of each tooth seperating.

Lex watches him as he carefully pulls the damp denim over his hips and down to pool at Clark's feet. He tugs Clark forward, urging him to step out of the pants and the boy toes off his boots and socks before stepping out of and over the discarded clothing.

Lex turns him and pushes him backwards, backing him up against his desk. "Clark..."

Clark can only groan lightly in response because Lex is caressing his hips and letting his fingers dip momentarily beneath the elastic waist of his blue, plaid boxers.

"Those can't be very comfortable." Clark shakes his head mutely. "I can take them off for you, if you want me to?"

Clark thinks Lex might need to reconsider Belle Reeve because he'd have to be crazy to think that Clark wouldn't want him to take his boxers off. He realizes Lex is waiting for him to answer.

"T-take them o-off... please, Lex, take them off."

Clark instinctivly lifts his hips as Lex draws his boxers down. Despite the unignorable need in his cock, he feels unbelievably bare, wants to cover himself, and feels his hand drift down to do that. "Lex........"

"shhh Clark, it's ok...... your.......oh, god, Clark."

"Lex.... I'm sorry......"

"You have nothing to be sorry for Clark, holy shit..... oh God!!!!"

Clark could feel Lex's hard on in the hollow of his hip, he wanted to please Lex somehow, but he didn't know how, shit he wishes he knew how, then maybe he wouldn't feel like such a kid, there has to be something he can do for Lex.

Gasps when Lex's hand wraps around him, so different to anything he's ever done by himself, even when he thought of this.....oh God.....Lex. Runs his hand up under silk, feeling skin, oh shite..... so much skin. Doesn't know what to do next

Lex leans closer, whispers to him, "Take off your shirt, Clark."

Clark obeys silently, still having trouble grasping the fact that this is actually happening. Suddenly Clark is naked. Lex's hands are running across his chest and he's rocking against Clark's hip.

"You still have all your clothes on, Lex," Clark says shakily as he slides his hands back up under Lex's now-untucked shirt. "We need to do something about that." He's not sure how he's getting out coherent sentences, he feels like he's living in a dream.

Lex grins and shudders as Clark's fingers find his nipples and stroke roughly across them. Clark lets out a shuddering breath of relief as Lex reacts to his touch.

Reluctantly, Lex takes a step back. His fingers slide up over sleek fabric and land on the first button of his shirt. He's not even sure when it came untucked, but it doesn't matter now. All that matters is that it comes off.

Lex watches Clark's eyes following his fingers until finally the shirt parts and his lets it slip off his shoulders to reveal pale flesh and wiry muscles.

Without thinking, Clark reaches for Lex's belt and unbuckles it. Lex's hands cover his and guides his fingers over the complicated clasp of his dress pants. He toes off his shoes as Clark lowers the zipper and gasps. Lex is not wearing anything underneath.

They watch each other in silence, hands exploring one another. Clark reaches tentatively to run his fingers up the underside of Lex's cock. That's all Lex needs and suddenly he is crushing Clark to him, pulling his head down in a fierce kiss, grinding their erections together and Clark's head is spinning with the rush of it all.

"Oh god Lex........"

The feeling of their cocks grinding together makes Clark dizzy, this is all he wants.... there was someting else he came here for... something else....shit...Lex is......fuck!!!!

Hands stroke sides ands glide down... then grasp and pull his ass, and holy shit... they both want this.

"Clark.... look into my eyes" And then there was just movement, nothing anyone could nanticipate, just movement and clinging together

"Oh fuck........"

"It's okay Clark, k, it's ok."

Lex's breath hitches as Clark's cock twitches against his stomach, coating them both with cum and that's all he needs before he lets go and loses himself in his own orgasm.

"Lex..."

"Shush, Clark." He leans his head against Clark's shoulder and smiles. "That was-"

"Fucking fantastic," Clark finishes for him. Lex chuckles; it's the first time he's ever heard Clark swear.

"So, I guess this changes things between us, huh?"

Lex pulls back to look at him, expression serious. "It does."

"Hopefully for the better?" He leans his weight back against the desk nervously as Lex, standing in between his legs, just watches him.

"Say something," he whispers.

"I love you, Clark."

-end-

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